4 years....

I left on this amazing journey I've called my life 4 years ago today!

Here's my fb status... ‎4 years ago today I left home on an amazing journey thats taken me through 36 Countries (lived in 5). I've formed amazing friendships, learned the toughest/most valuable life lessons, seen amazing cultures/sights/scenery, and truly had the time of my life!! Thank you to everyone I've made memories with, stayed with, traveled with, and enjoyed a bit of the last 4 years with! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I'll write more about my thoughts, and feelings but I'm sooo exhausted today, I can't.

Goals

27 Feb - 5 Mar

So.. I'm gonna go back to making weekly/monthly goals. I feel like when I put something down on 'paper' I'm more likely to stick to it.

I've realized... I've put on WAY too much way in such a short amount of time. Call it me being a fucking bored, stressed, tired, lazy, emotional... pretty much you name it...eater. I want to start eating better, I know when I eat shit, I feel shit. So thus being said I know when I eat great I feel great. Now, I haven't eaten any gluten or dairy... but its just the shit foods that get to me... and I call that just me being STUPID... oh, and having a few too many drinks here in Lano!



1. Blog/write down ALL FOOD and drinks. No cheating as it only cheats myself.
2. Research Japan trip and come up with tentative itinerary
3. Research Taiwan visa info... and then book ticket out of Japan to Taiwn
4. Walk EVERY day this week... for AT LEAST 30 mins a day
5. Enjoy reading books at park at least 2 times.
6. Get up in the morning before 10. (Ok, I know this seems late but lately i've been staying up and then sleeping all day! ugh!)


I'll start with those and go from there....

Here's hoping for a fantastical week!

Official end in site.

Hooray!

I've got an exit date out of Lancelin!!

It clears my head and makes ANYTHING bearable!!

I fly from Perth to Cairns on Monday 4 April!! And I must add, I got a super awesome deal!

Then, on Sunday 10 April I fly from Cairns to Tokyo. Only a few weeks short of the end of my Aussie visa.

I'm really excited about the upcoming month left in Lano and my new adventures.

I've been needing to do something new... haven't been to anywhere 'new' since I left Ukraine in August!

My plans for Cairns include a 3 day/2 night live aboard cruise where I will do my advanced open water PADI certificate. I'm doing this as I really want to dive the GBR, even though its costly! I decided to make the most out of it, I'd get my next level. So while the dives will have specific objectives, I'll still be diving the GBR! YIPPEE!!

In Japan, I've NO CLUE where/what I'm going to do. I'm going to try to find some couchsurfing hosts and maybe base myself in Tokyo for a day trip or two. Obviously, I'll explore there as well, even with my 'no love' city policy, I always check them out! I've also got to figure out which consulate is best to get my visitor visa for Taiwan. Other than that, I'd like to check out the Cherry blossoms that are known around the world to be beautiful and bloom in Japan. And hopefully lots of historical stuff as well!! I dunno, a bit scared at how expensive I know it'll be but I'm good at being frugal when needed!

Me = a happy girl tonight.

Ready, set, jet?? Finally??

Sunday, 3 Apr- Perth to Cairns: $244 or
Monday, 4 Apr - Perth to Cairns: $233

Monday, 11 April - Cairns to Osaka (really good deal. the days before and after are almost 100 more. Want to book NOW) : $389
Monday, 11 April- Cairns to Toyko : $420 (can fly to either)


Monday, 19 April - Osaka to Taipei: $240 (to $300, depending on day. Need to look into how long I 'need' to actually see stuff).


I'm thinking I'm going to book these. All Jet Star. Will be some long, cramped flights... but whatever, great deals are worth it!!

My thought is to fly into Tokyo and explore, go up to Nagano to see the blossoms, down to Hiroshima and fly out of Osaka. Thats with doing NO RESEARCH but just going on names of places. Will need to look into: how long it takes to get Taiwan longterm visitor visa and if its better to do in Tokyo/Osako, Couchsurfing, any events with Blossoms, and best things to do/see!

Jet plane....

Ok... so I'm pretty set on going to Taiwan... for now.

BUT, my issue comes in with the timing.

Will I forever REGRET not going to the Great Barrier Reef if I leave Australia AGAIN without going to dive??

Here are some options:

Perth to Taipei: ~$400 (with luggage) TG

Perth to Cairns: $234 (with luggage) JS
Perth to Melbourne: ~$130 (w/luggage) TG

Melbourne to Cairns: ~110 (w/l) TG

Melbourne to Taipei: $680 (kayak- china eastern)

Cairns to Osaka/Tokyo: $400-$450 (with luggage)
Tokyo/Osaka to Taipei: ~$250

One factor is I need to get to a Taiwanese Embassy/consulate so I can apply for the long term visitor visa. So, I pay to go to Melbourne or Sydney or I pay to hop to another place from taiwan... so basically, either way, I'll have to pay for another couple flights. It comes down to where I want to see and what would be worth spending the money on. I've already DONE melbourne but I'd have somewhere to stay.... but I can look to Couchsurf in Japan and Cairns (the asian couchsurfing community is really big from what I hear!)

I'm currently thinking of MAYBE hopping straight to Cairns... doing some diving and then hopping over to Japan and going to the consulate/embassy there. I'll be JUST AFTER the cherry blossom festival (in the town of the airports... but I can go north to where they'd be blooming)... so maybe able to catch it?

All up its about 1000 worth of flights... but it'll be more than that with me having to go to Taiwain and then leave for a couple days anyways. BUT, I'll have more costs with the diving and travel in Japan.

I kinda like the idea of seeing a new place (a little of Japan) instead of going back to Melbourne to do it. And... its the same cost to fly to Japan and then on to Taiwan as it would be to fly back to Perth. This idea gets me really excited. First time I've been excited in a bit. It'll give me another month to save a bit of money... and some direction. (Diving the GBR which I've wanted to do, visit a new place at an awesome time of year, then on to find a job with the proper tourist visa that can be switched to a work visa!)

Does that make sense??

Perth --> Cairns --> Japan --> Taiwan

Thoughts????

<3

Donate Life Week

This week in Australia is Donate Life Week.

Its got me thinking... (ahahahahah, I know, I know, me thinking?! Whats new about that?!)

If I ever move back to Sac or the States, I want to volunteer with Donate Life. I started and stopped without ever doing anything because of my crazy involvement with Jobs/DeMolay. So... one day... if I'm ever back stateside... give me a swift kick in the rear to get out and get the word out!!!

Do your family and loved ones know that YOU want to be an organ donor? Have you signed up on the registry? Please do BOTH. Let those around you know your wishes so they can be fulfilled... in the end, they make the call!!!


DON'T TAKE YOUR ORGANS TO HEAVEN

HEAVEN KNOWS THAT WE NEED THEM HERE!!

<3 Dec 10, 1995 My dad got the gift of life in a new liver. I'll forever be thankful that another family in pain decided to share and help our family. I am thankful that I got those extra years with my dad. TYFML (thank you for my life) as my dad put on my favourite frame

Toxic

Ever felt like you overstayed your welcome?

Well, today, I hit that point.

Not sure if its because its the start of 'that time of the month' or because I'm still getting over the cold that is keeping me down or because i've kinda thought it all along.... But... I'm soooo over Lano.

I love Lancelin. Its a great 'ideal'. Would be a great place to raise a family and have amazing opportunities. However, for me... its been a killer this time around.... (wait, didn't I leave for a reason last time. Surely coming back without all the friends I had last time wasn't a good sign?!)

All I've done since I got here is: gain weight, drink, eat shitty food (even if it IS gluten free vegan), hang out with the wrong people, etc, etc.

Pretty much this town is toxic for me. Thinking back I can think of very few happy memories, this time round... yet, I've latched on and wanted to stay... so I can make 'money'.

Basically, I wanted to come because I knew I could make money, enjoy summer, learn to kite surf, and have friends.

In the end... the only thing I've done is make a little money. Probably not even what it cost to get here and away, in the end. I didn't have the money at the beginning to take kiting lessons... then there was no wind... then I had no time.... then/now I didn't want to spend the 1000 that it'd cost to get up to par since I'd be leaving soon and not have my own gear, anyways.

For some reason today... it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I've been unhappy here the whole time. So, because of that, I've done all the things I know better than to do. Latch onto the wrong people, not make friends, eat shit food/gain weight, no walk/stay wholed up, etc, etc. Why do I continuously sabatoge myself in life? Seems REALLY, REALLY STUPID.

So now.... I have to figure out: Do I stay another month so I can save $1000 or do I just up and leave. Start over somewhere where I'll end up spending all the tiny bit of money i've saved?

As of now... I'm leaning towards Taiwan. The longer I hold out before going, the better my chances of getting a good job. However, I know I can't hold out until the best time June/July... so why not just go now?

Basically, my options are: Focus on MYSELF for the next month. Walk, do some exercises, and just focus on the end goal which is money. Or I can leave sooner rather than later and just hope I've enough saved to get me by until I find a job. But in that option I feel like I'm running away. However, in saying that, I know I've not been happy here the whole time. Hiding it and enjoying little bits of sun don't seem to make up for it in the end.

I need a life. I need friends. I know that I need a source to meet them though. The only option I have here is to move back to the hostel... and that really defeats the purpose of staying... since I'd basically be staying to make no money.. just pay for the hostel rent. So thats a no go. Basically... I'm gonna see how this week goes.. and see.

What gets me is I've ALWAYS refused to accept 'ok' and I've done worse than that this time. I've stayed in a horrible situation knowing what it was doing to me mentally (and physcially in gaining weight) and not cared. I stayed because I have no clue what I'm doing next and because the whole MONEY thing scares me. I need money and knew this was a chance to at least get enough to do something. AHHHHH... What the HELL have I been thinking accepting 'ok' when I demand so much more from myself... no wonder I've been so 'blah' and down.

Advice, thoughts.... anything would be appreciated!!

<3

Strength

I am a strong, independent woman. No one will ever take that away from me!

So... why do I sometimes forget and let people? Why do I allow people to get under my skin or get close to people that I KNOW are bad news?

The hardest thing about the continuous travel I've done for almost 4 years is always starting over. Each time I decide to go to a new location, start a new job, or even travel for a couple days... i'm starting anew: no friends, no knowledge of the location and typically no money!

Sometimes I'm a sucker for a quick friend. Once said friend is established I'll attach myself and ignore others. Even if I realize right away that said friend is all bad, not up to my level (not to sound stuck up... but I know what I mean!), and/or is making me depressed. What I don't understand is after that understanding why I continue to spend my time with them and ignore others who are trying to be my friends.

I would say its for companionship. Sometimes its nice to make one good friend to spend time with then a bunch of 'friends'. Even though sometimes I miss out on lots of friends, sometimes it pays off. Sometimes it doesn't!

Yup, sometimes it also comes back to bite me in the behind. But... what can I say. Sometimes we all walk down the wrong paths... the important thing is to figure it out and skip over to the right path, singing some lovely tunes.. and then realize that smile and happiness was right there the whole time... and those people left around are the people worth your friendship

"A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are." Unknown

"No man can be happy without a friend, nor be sure of his friend until he is unhappy." Thomas Fuller

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL MY FRIENDS OUT THERE. I know sometimes I'm a needy friend, or a long lost friend.... but I hope you know I'll always be there (even if its just a skype chat) if you need me too! Love you and miss you all!!

"Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget." Unknown

More options

6) Bulgaria. Emi is going to back to Bulgaria to visit family this summer. I would be able to stay with her and see a bit of the Country with a local. Her son can take me hiking. It'd be great. I had a not of fun when I hung out with away from my job in Ukraine... and this would be a similiar opportunity. I would love to still see: Moldova, Slovenia, Slovakia, Bosnia and Herezegovenia, Montenegro, Macedonia, Albania, and Turkey. (well, and Russia and Belarus!) I think going back to the region would allow me great opportunities. However, it'll take lots of money and I wouldn't work. I could maybe volunteer at an orphanage or something for awhile? Or maybe find a teaching english job. At the beginning this option didn't sound great but I'm thinking about it more and more. I could find nanny jobs in Turkey maybe after/before, as well?

Pros: a local to show me around, place to stay, new country(ies)
Cons: back to Europe, money, language

7) Washington, D.C. It's always been where I've said I'd live after I finished school. The more and more I think about it... its kinda exciting. I know it'd be hard and scary to find a job... but they are out there. Have considered going as a nanny and getting my feet on the ground. And start applying for jobs after a couple months. I know thats bad... but its a thought?!

Pros: professional job, public transport,
Cons: Weather, costs: no housing, car, no savings, high cost of living



I'll keep adding to my lists as I think of them. Really would LOVE LOVE LOVE any advice, thoughts you might have! Suggestions from people that seem to start over all the time!?

Options...

...for my life....

So while considering my options for the future... I thought I'd write some out...

1) Stay in Lancelin til 2 May. Thats when my visa expires. I can make a bit more money. I won't be saving too much as there aren't too many hours. But it doesn't cost too much to live and I've cheap rent... as long as I can get food from Joondalup.

+ Pros: Cheap rent, beautiful and on the beach, save money
- Cons: Mike leaves in March, Lee's back in March, lonely and dark apartment, drink too much here
Can Change: get into a workout routine every morning, be okay with sitting alone and watching tv/movies/etc (like most adults!), do a windsurfing lesson or three with Mike, read, take advantage of the people that are in town

2) Go back to Sacramento. I don't know exactly why Sac, except I have friends and family there. Think I'd apply to start the teaching credential in January 2012 (Sept deadline). I feel like I only want to do it as its the 'easy' option and doesn't take any thought or effort. Not sure what I'd do until then, though. Have thought about: trying to find some government job... should be able to get some connections from Robb/friends? Maybe preschool teaching... even though that doesn't pay well and just not worth the effort/pay ratio! Other than that it'd be random retail/restaurant/secretary work? How would I benefit going back now. Maybe wait til August so I'm there with enough time to apply for credential program?

+ Pros: friends/family. Maybe someone would let me stay in a spare room for a bit? Spending time with Tyler. Maybe getting him into DeMolay? Volunteer with Bethel 3/Jobs Daughters.
- Cons: No car. No place to live. No real reason to be there. Feel a bit lost and 'stuck' if I go back. Hear the job prospects are slim. Friends are all in their own place in lives with kids/careers/etc.

3) Try anywhere USA! Could be somewhere in California or anywhere. Maybe Washington DC. I don't know that I'd have anymore luck than going back to Sac. And worse than that... I'd have no connections, friends, family, or anything!
+ Pros: clean slate. Job opportunities?
- Cons: No car. No place to live. No job. Lonely

4) Taiwan. I'd go to teach English. However, its scary because I know its a smoggy, humid/rainy country... and I know that weather/smog really drive me mad. I'm not sure how I'd do in a non english speaking Country, again. Its overwhelming knowing I'd have to find a job, a flat, friends and everything from scratch. I'd be very lonely, hot, and sweaty... overwhelming sounding. But it'd also give me a job that I'd have for a year... and enable me to use as experience if I want to continue to do it as a career.... which I don't actually know until I do it!

+ Pros: year long contract. CV advancing. New Country. New opportunities. Chance to save a bit of money? Chance to maybe do online credential program.
- Cons: Overwhelming to start with: no job, flat, friends. Lonely. No English.

5) Africa (somewhere, obviously thats a continent not a country.) I'd find somewhere to volunteer: teaching english, working with an Orphanage, pretty much anything. It'd be scary, overwhelming, lonely, non english speaking, isolating, basic amenities (most likely).... but its somewhere I've always wanted to go and something I've always wanted to do. I feel like it'd give me a bit of a purpose. I'm scared I won't have enough money to travel a bit of Africa if I go and get to the next spot after, though. I'm overwhelmed with trying to find somewhere that doesn't cost thousands of dollars... obviously paying for my accomadation/food is fine. I'd love to find a proper nonprofit... that maybe I can learn some of the office stuff, as well?

+ Pros: Fulfillment. Purpose. Volunteering. New Country (ies?). New opportunities.
- Cons: Costs. Scary and lots of unknown. Lonely. No english.


Basically... I feel like I'm always planning three months at a time. I feel like my dream would be to go to Africa but it'd cost all of my money to go for a short period of time.. and I'd have no money to get out. Plus, I'd be planning little bits again. And I'm kinda over that. I don't know what or how I'm supposed to decide. Do I go easy and go home. Go where I'm pretty sure I can get a job and go to Taiwan. Do I do the scariest and go to Africa? Ahh... either way its all scary... because I only have a tiny tiny bit of savings and thats got to get me through whereever i go and on to the next spot. Ugh. I do know I need a bit of purpose in my life. I can't see myself traveling endlessly forever... but I do still LOVE traveling! I need a bit of purpose in the travel though!

I need to figure out what I want to do LONG TERM. Over and over, 2 ideas continue to come up and I guess I'm a bit torn on which direction to go. 1) Teaching or teaching abroad. For this I can get my credential and then either stay in the States and get some experience and then get a proper teaching job overseas. There will always be places hiring teachers abroad... even if its just teaching english... having my credential would give me a hire pay scale. 2) Working for a non profit. If I do this I'd need to get my masters. That comes down to time/money/experience. Many of the programs you need to have experience.. and all of them you have to be able to afford it! Ugh. If only I hadn't screwed myself over with the student loans. Children: Thats number 1 to help. I love working with kids and want to either work to help them in a nonprofit or teach them and help them grow in this world!

I noticed in EACH of these opportunities I wrote 'lonely' as a Con. I think I need to work on myself. Obviously I get bored sitting alone and doing things without others. I need to work on being 'okay' with sitting for a few nights by myself and reading/watching tv/or whatever. For some reason this has always bothered me... even if I do it often. I need to learn to love myself... because no one will want to spend time with me if I'm not okay with me!

Obviously I have some soul searching to do. Which direction do I want to go? Which path do I follow... road do I take. As individual and independent as I've always been. I think its scary sometimes and I guess I'm at the point where I wish someone would just figure it out for me. I've not felt this 'lost' in 4 years since I finished Uni and booked my ticket overseas. Its like I need a new hurdle. Well, apparently, now its time to figure out a bit of my future. I would love any advice, thoughts, or anything.

<3 me